Family project: day three - Honduras

If you were hoping that I'd write everyday, please know that was never my intention. As much as I'd love to remember every moment by documenting, I want to actually be in each moment, so last night? A dance party and Disney movie in Spanish happened instead of my post. ;) 

After another amazingly fun day at VBS yesterday, today was exciting because we were switching it up. We headed up into the mountains to a special little church retreat area. It had two pools, two soccer fields, covered cooking areas, and tons of lush tropical vegetation to relax under. 

We went with the intentions of baptizing people from the local Every Nation church.

And Hannah. 

Last March, Michael was baptized and just before that, Hannah had asked if she could be baptized as well. Both Mike and I talked with her at different times about how that was our heart, but there was steps she needed to take. We began to explain salvation through Jesus to her and she stop us. 

"Mom. I've already prayed and asked for forgiveness. I asked Jesus to be in charge of my life a long time ago." 

Hannah has a very vivid recollection of sitting in a chapel service at the Christian school she had been attending. She remembered how the speaker talked about giving all of your heart to Jesus was the best decision and she said that she knew that she wanted to give all to Jesus too. There was a Friday, sometime in third grade, that my little girl made that decision and I couldn't be happier. After talking with her for a short amount of time, both Mike and I knew that she was ready for baptism. 

Last week, when we were going through our schedule for Honduras, Hannah saw that there was a special time for baptisms. She came to me and asked if she would be allowed to be baptized in Honduras. Neither Mike or I knew for sure, but I promised we would ask. 

Today, my daughter and second-born child was baptized on the side of a mountain in Honduras. God has something very special planned for this girl. She has a heart of compassion and understanding. She never sees things only at the surface, she looks beyond that and looks straight into the heart. She will make friends anywhere, never letting language, race, or social standing become a wall. I truly believe that she will touch many people in her life and will see the world as she shares where her source of love comes from.

Missions work isn't just for the nationals that you are going to minister to. Missions work takes you out of your routine and places you in moments when it is just you and God. Nothing else matters and there is no one else you can depend on. When you come and you experience that, you will walk closer to God. You will be changed. You will decide to baptized miles and miles from home in a country that you have never been too, all because you want God more than anything. 

Today lesson: the most beautiful things happen on the side of a mountain.

Dear Hannah ~ A letter to my daughter...

When my son turned 10, I felt the need to commemorate it with a letter. I guess when your mom is a writer by nature, you should get used to get something handwritten on big events, right? Anyway... I decided that I would write all of my children on their 10th birthdays a letter. I mean, double-digits is a big deal! However... Hannah turned 10 in June. Six months ago.

But such is the life of a middle child, she was forgotten.

I know... "Mom of the Year"... right?? sigh... I wish I had some great excuse, but I don't. Which kinda makes me feel even more guilty. However, Hannah wouldn't be happy if I felt bad. Again, middle-child. She's the peacemaker and she only wants people to be happy. Basically, I am late in giving, the most amazing kid ever, a very important letter. Ugh.

I'll never make this up to her, but I will attempt to try.

So on her half-birthday, which is today, I am giving her the letter that has been LONG over due....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hannah Faith ~ June 2, 2003 

My dearest middle-child,

I cannot believe that ten (and a half...) years has past since a nurse told me that I had a beautiful girl. I was dumbstruck.

No.

Really.

Dumbstruck.

I asked her if she was sure you were REALLY a girl. I had decided that I was going to be a mom of all boys. I already had one and thought I was an expert. Yep. It was going to be all boys for me. Ha! Unlike most sane people, your dad wanted to keep your gender a surprise until you were born. Surprised could be considered an understatement.

5 months old

Apparently, after I insulted the nurse, and her gender determining skills, your father confirmed to me that you were, in fact, a girl. It then dawned on me that every old wives tale about guessing the baby's gender was completely false. That's when I suddenly realized that while I had practiced my parenting skills on a boy, I was now getting ready to embark on another new adventure.

The mother of a girl.

Now, Hannah, you have to understand, I was never a very typical girl. Never the cutesy princess who pranced around in pink ruffles, and spent hours and hours perfecting her "duck face" in the bathroom mirror, or whatever little girls do. I was more of the build a fort in the middle of the cypress swamp, after you have spent the morning cleaning your catch from the lake kind-of-kid. Honestly, most days, I was either covered in dirt or hidden behind a book which probably made it hard to tell that I was even a girl...

So often, I wanted to be the girly girl who was graceful, talented, and called a princess. However, those titles were given to my baby sisters, not me, so I felt that I needed to live up to something else. I was the adventurous, determined, brilliantly smart girl that made things happen. Those were great things to be and made me enjoy every minute of my childhood and all aspects of growing-up. I never had regrets that I didn't know how to braid hair or really even brush it!

But when you are sitting in a hospital bed, holding a little baby girl, all you think about is pink.

one year old

Being a girl is a tricky thing. Long gone are the days where a girl was expected to grow up, become a wife, then a mother, and live to serve her family. Now, you can do that, if you want, or you can go to school, start a business, or even run a country.

So.

Many.

Options.

And there I was, ten years ago, wanting you to have every one of those options in front of you, but if you had wanted to become the next top model, Lord, help me, I was not prepared for having a girl.

2 years old

Hannah, I am about to tell you one of the biggest secrets about myself. The entire time I was growing up, I was intimidated by every girl I knew. I never knew how to connect with them, because I didn't think I could ever measure up to them. They were flawless and I had freckles. They were elegant and I was forceful. They were girls and I was... just me. Instead of letting that bother me, I just embraced being different and became comfortable with, in my mind, not being as good as they were.

It wasn't until I looked into your eyes that I realized that I never had a reason to be intimidated by anyone. That I had been made perfect. Precious. Beautiful.

Just like you.

3 years old

Over the last ten years, you haven't been the only one growing up. I have been too. You see, I discovered what it was like to be a girl, when I had a girl. I took the determination that I've always had and changed a lot of my thoughts and routines. I fell in love with fashion bloggers. I chose mud masks over mud pies. I made myself a bulletin board with images, pictures, and quotes that celebrated being a girl. I even found myself loving the color pink.

Now, I'm not telling you this because I think that you have to be a girly girl who has a perfect "duck face."

Actually, side note, don't do the "duck face."

Ever.

Consider that wisdom passed down. Anyway... back to your letter...

4 years old

I'm telling you this because I want you to know that you never, EVER have to settle into a specific description of yourself. It doesn't matter if you are ten, twenty, thirty-three, or eighty, you can reinvent who you are, as often as you want, whenever you want.

You were not designed to be the same person forever and there is nothing that you can't do. So, if you decide that you want to do ballet for the next ten years and then decide that you want to join the peace corps, do it! You can be a scientist and a mom and an artist and anything else you put your mind to.

There is only one thing that you have to promise me you will do.

7 years old with her big brother

About a year and a half ago, I gave your brother a list of commitments. They were things that I promised him that I would do as he continued to grow. They weren't just limited to him. You can hold me to every one of those commitments.

But with you, I want to ask you to promise me one thing.

Promise me that you will always listen.

8 years old

Listen to those who speak life, so that you can learn to speak it.
Listen to all kinds of music, so that you can relate to anyone, anywhere.
Listen to your family, so that you know you are loved.
Listen to the sounds of the oceans and wind, so that you know where home is.
Listen to your heartbeat, so that you know today was a gift.
Listen to those who came before you, so that you can learn from them.
Listen to your dreams, so that you can achieve them.

Listen to the voice of God, so that you know his voice and never doubt his presence in your life.

Listen. And I will too.

9 years old

That's all I want you do promise me that you will do. If you are always listening, you will never doubt who you are or what you should be doing, you will know when it's time to move and time to be still and you will be confident in every decision you make. The Bible says that the sheep listen to the shepherds voice and know it. (John 10:27) As long as you listen and know that voice, everything else will fall into line and you will be successful in everything that God has for you.

Hannah, I would give you the world, but I know that you have it in you to go out and get it for yourself.

I love you so much. Thank you for letting me grow with you. Listen to me when I say... never stop. Never stop growing. Never stop listening.

Love You Princess Banana.

~ mommy

10th Birthday!!! 

Lesson #2: Responsibility aka "growing up is lousy"

Tween. A noun speaking of a boy or girl aged 9 - 12. Yep. It's a word in the dictionary.

I have two.

They are one year apart.

One boy and one girl.

I am pretty sure that I am undergoing some crazy intense training on this level of parenting. One might think that lack of sleep was the hardest part of being a parent, but I'm beginning to rethink that thought process. The emotions and the drama and sudden development of self-image are going to break me in ways that lack of sleep never did.

Lack of sleep had a remedy. Coffee. But this?? I am starting to understand the development of stronger drinks. Jack Daniels obviously had tweens. Let me give you a few examples as to why I've come to this conclusion...

Example A... Tween girl is told that instead of book work for history today, she will be watching a short video about the history of Israel. This wasn't a surprise. She knew about this all day, but decided to watch it after lunch. To the normal human, this sounds like a great deal. I remember those exciting days when I was a teacher and would put on a video instead of making students open a book, they cheered! To the tween, what began as a civilized idea for the day, has become the worst possible thing EVER. I'm still not sure what happened. I don't know where the change of attitude towards the movie turn. It just did. She just walked into my room and pouted. They just pout. And cry.

Even the boys.

Example B... Tween boy finds a video game that he really wants to play. He talks the game up for days. He is told that one of the parents will look up the details of the game and let him know. Understand that both parents are video game illiterate. We don't know the differences between one bang 'em up-shoot 'em up game from the other. We do know that we aren't fans of all these role playing games that involve shooting anything at anyone. So, a simple glance at a game with a glaring M on the cover, should be evidence enough for a simple no. M = 17 +, the negative approval should be understood. Not for the tween boy. I have apparently made him a glaring laughing stock among all the other YOUNGER boys in the neighborhood. Tears begin to fall and fall and fall. I am left standing there dumbfounded that this topic was even thought to be one that I'd agree with.

Where has my parenting faltered?

They don't talk to you. They don't "use their words". Remember training them to do since they were goo-ing and gaa-ing? They will not remember this when they hit this frustrating age. Their moods change as often as the weather in Florida does and there is no warning. They could be hugging you right now, but as soon as they turn the corner, you have now hurt their feelings and they will never recover.

One might think that they are mentally unstable. I did at first, but here is what I'm starting to realize... They are just having an inner battle. They are suddenly realizing that they are fully responsible for every aspect of their life.

Now, I'm not saying that I have GIVEN them responsibility for every aspect of their life. I am saying that I am starting to give them responsibility and I am teaching them that soon, they won't want me to be helping them every step of the way.

I am not dumb. I have been teaching high schoolers for quite some time. I've heard the complaints about any and all sources of authority in the lives of teens. I know that one day, that could be my kids. But you see... these teenagers all want to have full control of everything, but what most of them miss is the consequences that come with responsibilities. No one has taught them the fact that responsibility is the call to have a duty to DO something. It is a choice! You can either take responsibility, or you just don't. You can blame someone else, you can give excuses, you bring up all the reasons why you can't have the responsibility or you can step up and handle it with maturity and growth. Until you can handle it, you shouldn't be given it.

I will be a terrible parent, if I let my children believe that they can just cast responsibility aside. So it starts now. Just a little bit of responsibility... chores, decisions about meals or clothes, and other good tween responsibilities.

But here is where they are starting to revolt. They want more. They want to make their own decisions about video games and whether or not they watch a movie or do book work. But they don't understand, that while those might not seem like life-changing decisions, it is the very precedent that shows me they aren't ready for those responsibilities. The choices that they would make if I left it to them, does not show growth or an ability to handle that responsibility.

If at a basic level, they can't make good responsible decisions, why would I give them more?

That frustrating, hard-to-understand, utterly confusing question is battling inside of them.

I am trying to get them to see that I am training them into making good, solid decisions, but when they can't, as their mom, I step in to make that decision and take the weight off of them and just tell them mom's choice. This is all in hopes that, soon, they'll understand why I make the choices that I do. Then, one day, they'll make responsible choices too.

It's a lot to grasp. It's a lot to wrap our minds around. However, I'm hoping that they see that growing up is lousy and that they try not to rush it. Until then, I'll be doubling my coffee intake until they move past the emotional, drama-filled reactions to life. When does that happen?? A year? Two? After college?? Somebody please tell me they do move past it...

Classroom details: From day one until now... perfection isn't happening

Okay. Confession time.

I am a perfectionist.

If you have ever stepped into my house, that statement might make you laugh. Our house is definitely "lived-in". There is numerous piles of laundry, both clean and dirty. The counters usually are covered with something. We still have boxes in a corner from when we moved in nearly four years ago and hardly a picture on the walls. I would say that the reason those are like that is simply because I was never given an inner interior decorator, and because I am a perfectionist, I'd rather look at blank walls and full boxes instead of throwing stuff up on walls or displaying stuff out on shelves that just doesn't look right. Makes perfect sense, right?? Yeah... my dear husband doesn't think so either. 

But my perfectionist nature is coming to the rescue in many aspects of my life. I am not a good housewife and that drives me crazy. So since I am taking this year to focus on family, that is one of my personal goals. I want to be that housewife with a nice, welcoming and open home. Yes, complete with the smell of chocolate chip cookies when you walk in the door. 

Right now, I've at least gotten most of the laundry off the chairs. 

Baby steps...

So, keeping this in mind, I went into the first week of school knowing that it wouldn't be perfect, but I wanted to learn and watch and see what I could do to make it all just work for us. I don't care if my kids grasp every concept, every time. I care that what we do works for us. How do I take this whole homeschool concept, add in my thoughts of "the LOVE project", and make it flow? That's what I am trying to figure out. 

I am using a great curriculum. It was expensive, but for our first year, I didn't want to consistently wonder if I was missing something or basically screwing my kids up for whatever we decide to do for school next year. Perfectionist, remember?

Our first day started out with a basic written schedule. Actually, it was more like an order of events. I knew what subjects I'd have to work one-on-one with and what were more student-led, so I balanced all those out. I also wrote out these great lesson plans, just like I did when I was teaching. Once for each kid and one for the whole family. I was completely prepared for day one...

And we survived it.

But we are now on to week five. Things have changed. We have had a lot of "unexpected happenings" and a lot of growing and learning with each other. I am having to learn exactly how my kids work the best. They are having to learn how I teach and what I expect. We are all having to learn how to love each other and be with each other so much of the time.

Long gone are the perfected lesson plans. As great as they were, they were too perfect. We aren't a perfect people and I can't expect that. We have a more simplistic plan now and I can't promise that it is filled out each week, but I 'm trying. We still have a daily schedule, but it changes. Often. Very often. We had started with everyone at the table doing school together, but only in the last few days, have I migrated into my office and started pulling one kid in at a time to work individually. That was one of their suggestions. They have a hard time focusing on tests and their harder subjects, so by working at my desk, they work faster and feel more confident. I can work with that.

We still have a great little "school area" in our dining room that one day will hopefully have a white board and lots of maps and globes and books. It makes me feel good to sit in that room with them all and see little lights click on above their heads. I've only had one mental breakdown with math. This English major claims that as success! However, I blame the ruler manufacturer for even that one. We try and spend one day a week at our library, where we don't even need a library card because they all know us. Oh and our LOVE project? It's a challenge. We are being stretched. We are learning that sometimes in order to grow in certain areas, we have to become very uncomfortable. That's both literal and figurative.

Me? I'm learning that sometimes I can't be perfect. I might have dreams of granduer for our whole homeschool project and while some of them will come to pass and we'll be successful, most probably won't AND THAT'S OKAY. I didn't start this process with the thought that I had to be perfect. My "self" just crept into my plans. While being a perfectionist is helping me in a lot of areas, it's also helping me realize how perfect some imperfections are. Our daily work is happening and we are doing great. It's not perfect by most standards, but for now? It's what we need... which makes it perfect. ;)

~ c 

Project Update #2: What is the LOVE project?

I know what you are asking.... What the heck is the LOVE project? I thought you were homeschooling.

Yes, I am. But I've never been one to do things the "normal" way. Let's see... I was married too young. I had kids too close together. I have no problems leaving my kids with their dad for weeks as I travel around the world. I like dessert before dinner. I make my kids be independent and I let them watch way too much T.V. I guess you could say that things in my life have never been... expected.

So why should homeschooling be any different for me? I have to do this my way in order to make it work. So, this is my way. In addition to the normal reading, writing and arithmetic, I am adding my own personality and passion to our curriculum.

For the past seven years, I have taught high school electives. There is a reason for that. As much as I know there is an importance to core classes, (I've lost count at how many times I've corrected high schoolers on the importance of "John and I", not "John and me") it's in the electives that I got to teach from my heart because the classes were things that I was passionate about.

I'm just doing the same thing, but at home. I am teaching what I am passionate about. I have the next nine months to pour into my kids a little bit of the legacy that I hope to leave with them for the rest of their lives. That's really how the LOVE project was birthed. So in additions to the wonders of the aBeka Curriculum, this is what I'm going to attempt to do...

The LOVE Project is based on three foundations: LOVE God. LOVE family. LOVE people. After we finish our core work each day, we will be venturing into some assignment or project that will fall into one of those three foundations.

LOVE God is going to start with simply teaching my kids the importance of church and church family and why we "do church" the way that we do. Each Sunday, my kids take communion, they sing songs, they listen to a lesson or a message, but do they understand why they are doing it? They have been raised in church their whole lives, so things that we do out of church traditions or biblical teachings have become more routine to them. Do they really understand what baptism is and what it means? or do they just assume its something that everyone does? I am going to cover all of those things and open it up to Qs and As. Is there something confuses them or things that they've heard that didn't make sense?

We have been blessed to have been able to enroll all three of them in private, christian schooling since they were all in kindergarten and they all could preach on some aspects of our faith, but it wasn't the school's job to make sure they know these things, it's my job.

LOVE family is going to dive into who we are and where we come from. Family is very important to me. Maybe it's because mine is so large; Maybe it's because mine has been through so much, but family should always come just after God and I want my kids to grasp that importance in how they relate to each other. Family - one of the few things in life that we have no choice over, so we need to learn to love them.

My kids are so lucky. They have five living great-grandparents. They have access to some amazing history and family stories and moments. Over the next nine-months of school, we will be studying one branch of their great-grandparents each month. They'll interview family, cook family recipes, and participate in family traditions. I want them to realize what a blessed life they live simply because of the people who came before them. It's history they won't learn in books, but it's history that they should know.

LOVE people is my response to 1 Corinthians 13. I know lots of people think of this chapter has one that is read at many weddings, but I don't know that I agree with the thought that this is only a chapter for "couples". Paul was writing a letter to the church in Corinth and was talking about the church, the body of Christ, when he wrote this chapter. I think that this chapter is all about how we treat people, ALL people.

We are going to step out of "our world" and look around us. We are going to work in our local community and subdivision. We are going to help in our state and in our country. We are going to look at the nations and see what is happen all around us. They need to realize that there is more than just us. They know that mom loves to go "teach people about Jesus", but it's my goal to plant that seed in them this year. I am praying that their eyes are opened to the people living around them.

All three of these will come to a wrap with our end-of-the-year project, a missions trip. It is my prayer and my hope that in June of 2014, we will travel as a family, with our church family, to Honduras. I spent time there this past summer and I want my kids to see what mom does when she travels and I want them to see first hand how important it is to LOVE God, LOVE family and LOVE people.

So that's the WHAT.

Here goes trying to make it all happen.

School starts next Tuesday.

Pray for us.