Lesson #2: Responsibility aka "growing up is lousy"

Tween. A noun speaking of a boy or girl aged 9 - 12. Yep. It's a word in the dictionary.

I have two.

They are one year apart.

One boy and one girl.

I am pretty sure that I am undergoing some crazy intense training on this level of parenting. One might think that lack of sleep was the hardest part of being a parent, but I'm beginning to rethink that thought process. The emotions and the drama and sudden development of self-image are going to break me in ways that lack of sleep never did.

Lack of sleep had a remedy. Coffee. But this?? I am starting to understand the development of stronger drinks. Jack Daniels obviously had tweens. Let me give you a few examples as to why I've come to this conclusion...

Example A... Tween girl is told that instead of book work for history today, she will be watching a short video about the history of Israel. This wasn't a surprise. She knew about this all day, but decided to watch it after lunch. To the normal human, this sounds like a great deal. I remember those exciting days when I was a teacher and would put on a video instead of making students open a book, they cheered! To the tween, what began as a civilized idea for the day, has become the worst possible thing EVER. I'm still not sure what happened. I don't know where the change of attitude towards the movie turn. It just did. She just walked into my room and pouted. They just pout. And cry.

Even the boys.

Example B... Tween boy finds a video game that he really wants to play. He talks the game up for days. He is told that one of the parents will look up the details of the game and let him know. Understand that both parents are video game illiterate. We don't know the differences between one bang 'em up-shoot 'em up game from the other. We do know that we aren't fans of all these role playing games that involve shooting anything at anyone. So, a simple glance at a game with a glaring M on the cover, should be evidence enough for a simple no. M = 17 +, the negative approval should be understood. Not for the tween boy. I have apparently made him a glaring laughing stock among all the other YOUNGER boys in the neighborhood. Tears begin to fall and fall and fall. I am left standing there dumbfounded that this topic was even thought to be one that I'd agree with.

Where has my parenting faltered?

They don't talk to you. They don't "use their words". Remember training them to do since they were goo-ing and gaa-ing? They will not remember this when they hit this frustrating age. Their moods change as often as the weather in Florida does and there is no warning. They could be hugging you right now, but as soon as they turn the corner, you have now hurt their feelings and they will never recover.

One might think that they are mentally unstable. I did at first, but here is what I'm starting to realize... They are just having an inner battle. They are suddenly realizing that they are fully responsible for every aspect of their life.

Now, I'm not saying that I have GIVEN them responsibility for every aspect of their life. I am saying that I am starting to give them responsibility and I am teaching them that soon, they won't want me to be helping them every step of the way.

I am not dumb. I have been teaching high schoolers for quite some time. I've heard the complaints about any and all sources of authority in the lives of teens. I know that one day, that could be my kids. But you see... these teenagers all want to have full control of everything, but what most of them miss is the consequences that come with responsibilities. No one has taught them the fact that responsibility is the call to have a duty to DO something. It is a choice! You can either take responsibility, or you just don't. You can blame someone else, you can give excuses, you bring up all the reasons why you can't have the responsibility or you can step up and handle it with maturity and growth. Until you can handle it, you shouldn't be given it.

I will be a terrible parent, if I let my children believe that they can just cast responsibility aside. So it starts now. Just a little bit of responsibility... chores, decisions about meals or clothes, and other good tween responsibilities.

But here is where they are starting to revolt. They want more. They want to make their own decisions about video games and whether or not they watch a movie or do book work. But they don't understand, that while those might not seem like life-changing decisions, it is the very precedent that shows me they aren't ready for those responsibilities. The choices that they would make if I left it to them, does not show growth or an ability to handle that responsibility.

If at a basic level, they can't make good responsible decisions, why would I give them more?

That frustrating, hard-to-understand, utterly confusing question is battling inside of them.

I am trying to get them to see that I am training them into making good, solid decisions, but when they can't, as their mom, I step in to make that decision and take the weight off of them and just tell them mom's choice. This is all in hopes that, soon, they'll understand why I make the choices that I do. Then, one day, they'll make responsible choices too.

It's a lot to grasp. It's a lot to wrap our minds around. However, I'm hoping that they see that growing up is lousy and that they try not to rush it. Until then, I'll be doubling my coffee intake until they move past the emotional, drama-filled reactions to life. When does that happen?? A year? Two? After college?? Somebody please tell me they do move past it...