Lesson #1: Trust aka "The hardest thing EVER"

I think trust is the hardest thing someone can learn. Everyday, we are met with instances where we feel let down. In our jobs, with our kids and families, even at our churches, we all take a step out with hopes and expectations in things and when those aren't met, we immediately step back put up a little bit of a wall. We don't like that feeling that we felt when we took a chance and found it hurting us.  So, we do whatever it takes to not feel it again. Usually, that comes in a form of not trusting something or someone again.

So when we read in scripture a verse that says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart..." (Prov. 3:5), while we immediately want to do so and know that we should, do we really know what it means to trust? Can we grasp the idea of fully relying on the character and strength of God? '

I know I struggle with it.

This whole idea of homeschooling for me is becoming a demand of my trust in God. Remember, I'm not the one that went into this whole adventure with warm, fuzzy feelings. I actually pouted and whined about the thought when it was first brought up. I had to be continually sought after before I began to accept it as a possibility.

One thing that had to happen was that the kids had to be turned down for admittance at a performing arts charter school in our area. My kids love to perform. They all sing and dance and speaking in front of people is almost second nature to them and when we began searching for possibilities for the 2013/2014 school year, this school was the stand out favorite. So, in my "nothing is going to stop us" mindset, we attended an open house and I thought for sure my kids were meant to be there. I signed them all up and put their names into a lottery for acceptance. It would be another two months before we knew, but I said that if they didn't get in there, I'd look into homeschooling, but only because I was sure they'd get in.

They didn't.

God knew what I needed for this school year. God knew what my kids needed for this school year.

But don't you know that just when you are starting to trust, something comes along to test you in that? The day after I finally wrote my first blog post and finally stated to the world my intentions, we got a phone call.

From the charter school. They had opened spots up for the kids.

I wish I could say that my first reaction was, "Thanks, but no thanks. We have this year all figured out.", but it wasn't. Not even close. We've been running into a few snags with homeschooling and being down to one income and all the other things that come with some semi-major life changes and to the earthly eye, this could be an answer to all of that. Except.... all I could hear in my spirit was "Trust me".

Trust me.

So here we are and all I can do is say, "Okay God, I'm trusting". I did call the charter school and turn down the opened spots. I pray that those spots are an answer to someone else's prayers. I would be lying if I said that was easy and that not a single part of me was second-guessing that decision, but I need to trust. I HAVE to trust. This could be the hardest part about this whole experience and adventure. But I don't want to look back and think to myself that I gave up on an opportunity to grow and learn and be faithful, just because it was the easier route. Especially when I am getting to the point of recognizing the Spirits ever-so sweet voice and I know that he said to trust.

So, lesson #1 of "The LOVE Project" wasn't for my kids. It was for me. Thanks God. I needed this one. Please help me be faithful in continuing that, because this is not an easy lesson to learn.

And to anyone who is reading this. Please pray for me? We haven't worked through all the snags and we are hoping for a September 3rd start date for classes, but a few things are going to have to be worked out for that to happen, so say a prayer for me and the husband and the kiddos? I appreciate it more than I could ever express.